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Since You Asked

Since You Asked
Lust
 
Q I have this friend of mine and we have been really close for a long time, and we always joke about having sex and stuff like that but it's just a joke. Well, recently it has become kind of serious, and I feel really guilty about even thinking about that kind of stuff because I know that it's bad. Is this a mortal sin thinking about lustful stuff, but not acting upon it???
- mary
 
A

Dear Mary,

I'm tempted to say, "It's not funny!" but then again, I suspect you probably have a rather healthy relationship with this person if you can say anything about sex aloud! Congratulations--now build on that healthy connection.

You just don't stumble easily into mortal sin, Mary, so relax on that score. Relax--and keep asking questions. Something has shifted in your relationship. Now it sounds like it's no joke. I think you need to continue your healthy exchange by saying aloud, "You know--all this joking about sex isn't feeling quite so funny any more. Sex really isn't a joke--and sex with you certainly wouldn't be--because you are my friend. I may even love you. So we have to change our way of talking here. etc. etc. etc."

Sexual thoughts flit in and out without an invitation. You're right to suspect that you're inviting them by this banter and you probably need to ease up. You also need to banter a bit with God, asking for the wisdom and grace to nurture a good friendship without allowing useless sexual tension to enter into it. I'm filled with respect for you and your friend that you have not acted on these thoughts. Healthy verbal exchanges can help that to continue.

 

- Carol Ann